Quick Esca Update

I’ll be honest- it has been a rough summer. Not hopeless or fun-less or “I’m-calling-it-quits” rough, but there have been lots of tears, sleepless nights and prayerful, anxious days.

It turns out that adoption isn’t a blissful process of folding your once neglected children into your arms and feeling them melt into you, loyal and in love with you for the rest of time. SURPRISE!!!

No, it’s more of a two steps forward one-and-a-half steps back deal. There have been those beautiful moments when Aidan lays his head on my shoulder and says, “I love you, Mommy, SO, SO much,” and I know he means it. And there have been nights when he climbs out of his bed in the middle of the night and wanders the house with his broken collarbone outside it’s protective sling while he goes into each family member’s room waking them at 3AM.

There have been weeks of daily calls from the sitter with sweet Sophie kicking, punching, screaming and calling nasty names in the background because the sitter tried to lay her down for her nap.

There have been days that 9PM rolls around and I realize I have yet to have a meaningful conversation or even make eye contact with the bio kids.

But, quite honestly, the worst part has been the mental torment of second-guessing every move I make, every standard, every moment of discipline, because for some reason I feel like I have forgotten how to be a parent. The plethora of attachment training sessions, adoption books and doctors who seem to know more about my child than I do all feel like dozens of fingers pointing at me in condemnation.

“No, not that way. THIS way.”
“Don’t say that. Say THIS.”
“I know that worked with YOUR children, but THESE children need THIS.” (As if ALL my children aren’t MINE.)

Don’t get me wrong: I’m grateful for all of the resources and training available to us. But eventually I just feel like having so many voices in my head drowns out the one voice I need to be listening to.

After all- who knows better how to parent my babies than their Creator?

The one place I have found great support and encouragement has been in the online community of foster and adoptive parents. Take this blog by Jen Hatmaker, for example. I also find solace in the Facebook support groups I am part of.

So, we’re taking every day as it comes. Aaron and I are beginning to adjust to turning down lots of invitations and opportunities, because right now our family needs us more than anyone else does. We’re looking forward to the return of school routine, and we are trying to see the beauty in the mess of this crazy life. We didn’t sign up for normal or predictable or easy. We took the path with the warning about blood, sweat and tears with the belief that lower valleys simply mean higher mountaintops.

Please share if you are an adoptive or foster parent- or if you are feeling that nudge that won’t go away to become one. We are here to support and encourage one another as we follow Jesus wholeheartedly.

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13 thoughts on “Quick Esca Update

  1. Sara, I loved this post. Not that fact that it is hard, but the fact that you are willing to write about it being hard. I’ve seen a lot of people looking for what they can expect, for the reality instead of just the rainbows, and I appreciate you putting it out there. Thank you so much for sharing!

    • Thank you so so much for your encouragement. My hope and prayer is that someone out there who feels like I do will know that they are not alone. 🙂

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  3. So very true…It is a battle for the entire family. A worthy one, but definitely a struggle! I find those moments where they do give you that unconditional love erase all the struggles in my heart. It is a calling. My family went through a really tough time with one of our guys, but we promised before God that we would never send a child away. We dug deep, asked God for His perfect strength, and I think we have made it through the worst. Praying with you and for your family!

  4. Some days you just put one foot in front of the other and other days something wonderful will happen and you know why you’re doing what you’re doing. After our last sibling adoption of two I knew we’d somewhat arrived when I stopped counting the hours till bedtime before it was even noon. Now some days I just count them from dinnertime, and some days I forget. Hang in there and never forget to laugh – there’s always something crazy ridiculous about the lives we’ve chosen to laugh about.

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  6. “the worst part has been the mental torment of second-guessing every move I make, every standard, every moment of discipline, because for some reason I feel like I have forgotten how to be a parent. The plethora of attachment training sessions, adoption books and doctors who seem to know more about my child than I do all feel like dozens of fingers pointing at me in condemnation.”

    OH MY! YES!!!!!

  7. Pingback: Mental Torment | An Intentional Life

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