“15 Years of Marriage” Lesson #2: The Wife’s Job Description


When Aaron and I first got married Stormie Omartian’s The Power of a Praying Wife was very popular. As you already learned, we had plenty of resources at our disposal, so I read through that book within weeks of saying, “I do.” As a dedicated newlywed, I was determined to not just be A praying wife. I was going to be THE praying wife! Sure, there were things Aaron did that frustrated me, but I was going to *insert gentle, gracious voice here* lovingly bring these things before the throne of grace and trust God to work on Aaron Himself. After all, my engagement counselor taught me that I needed to accept Aaron as he was and trust God with the rest, and danggit, I was going to be my counselor’s dream student.

I think that lasted a month. Maybe a week, if I’m realistic.

I mean, *insert annoyed, impatient, whiny voice here* did Mrs. Omartian have nothing better to do all day than to just pray for her husband for hours and hours? And, sure, I trusted God to work on Aaron’s rough edges, but isn’t that why He gave ME to Aaron? I feel like there’s a scripture in the Bible somewhere about what a great gift I am to my husband….

Welp, 15 years later, I’m not much better, but I hope I am a bit wiser. I totally missed the point of sweet Stormie’s book and much of my engagement counseling. Accepting Aaron as he was and is isn’t about keeping a list of all of the faults and failures I’m enduring for his sake. God just wants me to love Aaron as God loves me- in the middle of my mess, seeing the beauty through the brokenness.

SO- what’s a wife to do?? Well, I don’t think this is a comprehensive list, but I think it’s a start:

1. Be His cheerleader.

Let’s be honest- your husband will have enough critics in his life. Do you REALLY want your name at the top of that list? I spent way too much time keeping track of Aaron’s faults, and I am so grateful that he did not return the favor. We have all been around wives who are “the dripping faucets” the Bible talks about- nagging and nitpicking, belittling their husbands in front of others, bossing their husbands around like he is one of the kids. These women exhaust ME! I never want to be part of that crowd. Loving someone means seeing the best in them and helping to draw that out. Cheer your husband on! I joke with Aaron about getting a real set of pom poms so that he’ll know I’m enthusiastically behind him. 

2. Be his biggest fan.

Cheering is about how we talk to our husbands. Being a raving fan is how we talk about our husbands. Wives, we get the distinct honor of being our husbands’ biggest fans. Think of that new lipstick you love or that restaurant you tell everyone about. THAT is what being a fan is all about. Brag on your husband! Tell people how awesome he is. When he gets a promotion or excels at work or just does something great at home, broadcast it to the world!! If you can brag more about your favorite TV show or clothing store than your husband, you’ve stopped studying him. Remember the layers- there will ALWAYS be more to learn about your best friend. Dedicate yourself to being his greatest student and biggest fan. It’s important to remember, that if you are not your husband’s biggest fan, another woman will be. This isn’t something to live in fear of, but it should serve as motivation to not let anyone shout louder, hold higher or talk more positively about our husbands than we do.

3. Be his girlfriend.

Do you remember why you fell in love with your husband? Do you recall those first moments you spent together, the first time you held hands, the first kiss? When you’re dating you treasure every moment you get together, and the air is filled with electricity! It’s a common misconception that the reason marriages fail is because that initial flame just cannot last. The spark that causes the flame does seem brighter, but we’re not after fleeting sparks are we? We want a healthy, long-burning fire.  Flirt with your husband. Act like a silly teenage girl sometimes. Find an activity that your husband loves and do it with him! Who cares if you totally stink at it. Let him teach you (another opportunity to flirt shamelessly). 🙂 Leave him love notes. Wear sexy clothing to bed and, for heaven’s sake, throw away those sweat pants! If you had to win your husband over every day, how differently would you treat him?
4. Be his confidant.
It is estimated that women speak 13,000 words MORE every day than men do.  There is no argument that we can monopolize the conversation.  Be sure to give your husband a safe place to talk about his day, too.  Don’t share private things with your girlfriends.  As females we not only talk a lot, but we tend to need more nurturing than our male counterparts.  This doesn’t mean that your husband doesn’t need a place to vent or time to lay his head on your shoulder, though.  Be a comfort to your husband.
5. Be his prayer covering.
Stormie Omartian was onto something.  It has been said that the best way to reach the heart of another person is to ask God to do it. Only He can deal with matters that go beyond the surface of our lives.  Remember those 13,000 extra words you use every day? Guard yourself against the gossip some women feel comfortable with and start investing those words into something meaningful. Ask God to bless your husband and lead him. Ask God to help you to love him the way God does. Pray for favor over his life. Ask God to make you the wife your husband needs. If you are angry with your husband, pray. If you’re hurt by him, pray. If you’re confused, pray. A wise person once challenged me to pray daily for the individual I was most angry with or hurt by, and it is remarkable how differently you feel about someone when you are dedicated to talking to God about them. 
An insightful minister once described my relationship to Aaron as though Aaron were a kite, and I was the one holding the string. He told us that Aaron loved to fly high with these wild and crazy ideas, and I had enough sense to keep him connected to the ground (aka reality). “But,” the man told me, “you have to let him fly sometimes, Sara, because he’ll go crazy if he is too tied down.” This has served as one of the most powerful challenges to me.  Aaron stretches me. I am details and systems and practicality. He is visions and dreams and stretching reality.  We are at our best when we are allowing these differences to complement one another. 
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
Next Time: The Husband’s Job Description

3 thoughts on ““15 Years of Marriage” Lesson #2: The Wife’s Job Description

  1. This is awesome. I love the way you voiced your points. the one that hit ME the hardest was “A wise person once challenged me to pray daily for the individual I was most angry with or hurt by, and it is remarkable how differently you feel about someone when you are dedicated to talking to God about them.” Not for my wife and I. but for someone else in my life. Thanks for your words of wisdome. 🙂

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